Trauma Testicular

Tiffany knees man in the balls for a selfie.

External testicles are found across all male mammals and these “balls” come in all shapes and sizes. As you may already know, they’re kept externally in order to keep them at a lower temperature than the rest of the body. This fortunately or unfortunately (for the guy that just got hit in the balls by a female…or by anything really) makes your balls especially vulnerable to external trauma. This leads to our own species’ favorite fail clip on the internet, nut shots!

Young Rosie balls balls with no regrets.

Unfortunately for men, although being hit in the balls should be like getting hit anywhere else in the body, it most certainly isn’t. Even more unfortunate for them is that women have taken notice of this. Normally, any site of impact sends a pain signal up the sensory nerve system to your brain. However, testicles have an unusually high density of nerve endings. As if this wasn’t bad enough, the pain needs to travel through multiple nerve endings in order to get to your brain, which makes it feel like you’re getting pain sensory input from several places in your abdomen all at once! This will make any man at least bend down in pain if he doesn’t go on the floor in full fetal position to protect his gonads. What’s most fascinating is that this will even happen after the lightest of impacts there. Nonetheless, this is probably an evolutionary reasonable response given the importance of testis in reproduction.

Ballbusting Heist II available at Universe.

Although this might seem like an evil trick of evolution towards males, it really is not. It is part of a complex system which protects the sperm inside the balls, which is extremely sensitive to temperature. This is why muscles pull the testicles near the body when it is cold and let loose or let them “hang low” when it is warm. Incidentally, these muscles also pull the “balls” closer to the body during intercourse, presumably to decrease the likelihood of getting hurt by the female body. So, what are testicles not sensitive to? Now two female doctors think they make Covid-19 infections even worse!

Salem squeezes a man's testicles for a selfie.

Therefore, remember next time you’re in front of an angry female, your testicles are out there, practically inviting trauma. Remember #ballbusteism. And women, remember trauma testicular will always be on your side.

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