How to Get Kicked in the Balls: A Woman's Guide to Getting You What You Want
THE BALLBUSTING JOURNAL | by Stacy | protecturnuts.com/stacy
18+ only. Satire and adult entertainment. Everything here is fantasy between consenting adults. Never attempt anything without enthusiastic consent. Testicular injury is a medical emergency; seek immediate care. Non-consensual contact is a crime.
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Okay so I'm actually gonna help you today.
Because I've watched so many of you try. And you're all doing it in the worst possible way, every single time, and it's genuinely costing you.
So. Here's how it works.
Stop Asking. Seriously.
I know you want to. You've had the sentence ready for like a year.
But when you ask, it becomes a request. And requests can be turned down. That's the whole problem right there. You just handed me a yes-or-no question about something I have zero context for, no curiosity about yet, and no real reason to say yes to. You made it a favor.
And it gets worse, because now it's your idea. Which is the opposite of what you actually want. Be honest. You don't want me doing you a favor. You want me to want to. You want it to be my idea, my curiosity, my call, and then you want it to show up out of nowhere.
Asking gets you, best case, a nice girl being nice. Which is the saddest version of this. I've seen it happen and it's like watching someone open a present they bought themselves.
So don't. There's a way better way and it takes about a week.
Make Me Curious, Not Responsible
Girls are curious. That's it. That's the whole key and you've all been walking right past it.
Like, if you ask me to kick you, now I have to make a decision about you. What you're into. What it means. Whether I'm the kind of girl who does that. That's a lot of processing and I just met you.
But if you make me curious? I'm not thinking about you at all anymore. I'm thinking about me. Whether I could. How hard I'd have to go. If it's really as bad as everyone says.
Totally different question. And it's one I'll answer for myself, happily, without needing your permission.
We're cats. Nobody's ever successfully called a cat over. But leave something interesting on the counter and walk out of the room and see what happens.
The Move: Tell Me I Couldn't
This is the one. If you remember nothing else, remember this.
Tell her she couldn't.
Not in a mean way. Light. Grinning. Like it's nothing. That you're not worried about it. That she doesn't have the leverage. That she'd feel bad. That her shoes are wrong.
And then just watch her face.
Because something switches on. It's not even anger. It's the same thing that makes girls sign up for half marathons and refuse to split the check and absolutely destroy their brothers at arm wrestling. It's the competitive thing. And once it's on, she's not thinking about whether she should anymore.
She's thinking about whether she can.
This has been done to me twice. I fell for it both times. The second time I knew. Part of my brain was literally going "okay he's doing the thing" and I did it anyway, hard, because I wanted him to be wrong.
So yeah. Not "please." "You couldn't."
Bring It Up as a Story. Never as a Want.
Before any of that though, the topic has to exist. And there's a right way to get it there.
Tell her about a time it happened. Not a fantasy, an actual story. The soccer ball when you were fourteen. The girl in your grade who did it as a joke and put you on the floor of the hallway.
Three things happen at once when you do this.
She laughs, genuinely, because she has literally no frame of reference for that pain and it's just funny to her. She thinks it's kind of cute that you told her. And she starts wondering, because you just told her a story about male vulnerability and there's no girl alive who hears that without doing a little private math about herself.
Maybe she asks a question. Maybe she jokes about it. Maybe she goes "wait, seriously? that bad?" and if she says that, you're already in. That's the sound of a girl getting curious.
What you cannot do, and this is where I've watched so many of you crash out, is go from the story into your feelings about it. Don't explain what it means to you. Don't get intense. Don't reveal that this is A Thing and not just a funny story.
You built a nice little fire. Describing your emotional relationship with fire is how it goes out.
Keep it light. Let her come to it.
How to Know She's Already Curious
You want the signs. Fine. I've done all of these.
She asks a follow-up. Any follow-up. "Does it actually hurt that bad?" is not small talk. That's research.
She jokes back. If she starts threatening you playfully, like "keep talking and we'll find out," she's already moved it from your story to her hypothetical. Don't overreact. Just grin.
She looks. There's a glance. Half a second, downward, completely unconscious, when it comes up. We all do it and none of us know we're doing it. If you catch it, she's mapping.
She brings it up later. Unprompted. This is the biggest one. It means it's been sitting in her head doing work without you.
If you see any of these, don't push. That's when you say she couldn't, and then change the subject completely.
She'll bring it back. They always bring it back.
What Happens After
RShould probably warn you about this part because none of you seem ready for it.
The first one is basically never the last one. What usually happens is she does it, there's a pause while you're on the ground, and then she's thrilled. Not sorry. Thrilled. Because a thing she'd only heard about turned out to be completely true and she did it with barely any effort.
And then she wants to know if it works the same way twice.
That's how this goes. It's not one event you talk her into. It's a door you open and then don't really get a say about. She'll test angles. She'll figure out what different shoes do. She's telling one friend, guaranteed, and that friend is going to look at you differently forever.
Not warning you off. Just noticing that you guys plan really carefully for the first one and not at all for the eleventh.
Anyway
I should be honest about why I wrote this.
I'm not being nice. I just handed a bunch of men a working method for getting themselves put on the floor by girls who are going to love it, and I did that because I think it's funny.
Every single one of you who uses this ends up exactly where you were always going to end up. Just faster now.
And you're gonna thank me. That's the part that kills me. You're actually gonna thank me.
Go on. Tell her she couldn't.
Has anyone actually tried the "you couldn't" line? Did it work? Be honest, especially if it worked too well 😈
Frequently Asked Questions
Why doesn't asking a woman directly usually work?
Because it frames it as a request she has to decide about, which invites refusal and makes it your idea rather than hers. Curiosity-based approaches work better because they let her act on her own initiative.
What's the most effective approach?
Light doubt — suggesting she couldn't or wouldn't — which engages competitiveness rather than requiring her to grant a favor.
How do you bring the subject up naturally?As a funny story about something that already happened, told as comedy rather than as a want, which invites curiosity without creating pressure.
How can you tell if a woman is curious?
Common signs include asking follow-up questions, joking back with playful threats, an unconscious downward glance when the subject comes up, and raising the topic again later unprompted.
Is this something most women are open to?
Many are curious, but everyone is different — this only works between consenting adults, and anything less than an enthusiastic yes is a no.
Satirical entertainment for adults. Not instruction. Everything here presumes enthusiastic, ongoing consent between adults. Testicular injury is a serious medical emergency requiring immediate care; non-consensual contact is a criminal offense.
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